Why?
by Sanich Iyonni
Summary: From thousand probabilities about the questions which were possible to be asked by him, why he asked that question?


A/N: I must have been crazy because of publishing this fanfic when I should not to think about anything except study. -_- Whatever. Please enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **Kurumada Masami-sensei

**Timeline: **Soon after Camus' death in Sanctuary Arc (12 Temples Arc)

**~Why?~**

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When my soul is flying away from my body, memories about my life fill my mind. Some of those memories have been forgotten—I really can't remember when they happened. Even I doubt whether they are truly my memories or just my dreams.

But there is a memory that I cannot forget, because I practically always think about it for these several years.

###

Hyoga once asked me a question which I knew the answer well, but I never told him that until my death. He asked it when he was still a young kid. I remembered, it was almost midnight. I was reading a book on sofa in front of the fireplace at my house in Siberia, where I lived with young Hyoga and Isaac. I felt very warm and comfortable at that time, though there was a blizzard outside.

Suddenly a sound heard. I turned my head and saw Hyoga exited from his shared room with Isaac. He walked to me while his hand holding a fluffy blanket.

"Are you awakened because of this blizzard?" I asked him.

He shook his head.

"Do you feel cold?"

"No," he sat down next to me. "I just… can't sleep."

"You have to try," I said. "Tomorrow we will train again. I don't want a sleepy child to be trained."

He didn't react. His blue eyes, which were inherited from his mother, were stuck on the fire in fireplace.

I took a deep breath. Having this melancholic kid as a disciple made me get a headache, sometimes. Well, the hyperactive one like Isaac wasn't better, either.

Yeah, Hyoga was the type of melancholic person. He didn't talk too much—very different with Isaac. He was a thinker, just like me. The biggest difference of us was he's a crybaby and I'm absolutely not.

Well, I knew he was still a kid. I hoped he could be tougher by the time he grows up.

"Master Camus," he started.

"Yes?"

"May I ask you something?"

Again, I took a deep breath. Deeper breath.

"Sure."

I prepared myself to receive his question—it was never an easy one.

"Why you can't reach the absolute zero, Master Camus?"

…

…

From thousand probabilities about the questions which were possible to be asked by him, why he asked that question?

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I didn't answer that question. Like I'd said, I knew the answer very well. But I still didn't answer it.

I recalled, I kept silent for minutes after he asked me. I regretted myself who told him and Isaac this morning that I myself couldn't reach the absolute zero, so they must reach it to be the perfect ice saint.

"Master Camus? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you sad," he held my right arm guiltily.

"Why do you ask me that, Hyoga?"

"I just want to know," he said slowly. "To be honest, I can't believe that you cannot reach the absolute zero. You are an Ice Master—you're supposed to be able to do everything related to ice."

What a troublesome kid.

Indeed.

"Well, Hyoga," I put my hand on his head, "you're wrong. I'm not an Ice Master—I'm not decent of that title. I like being called a cryogenicist better than an Ice Master."

"Cryo—?"

"Cryogenicist," I repeated. "A person who studies elements under extremely cold temperature."

"But it's not—"

"I still study, Hyoga. I haven't mastered the absolute zero, have I?"

He was silent.

"Go sleeping," I patted his back. Then I left him to my own bedroom. I couldn't be there with him longer, I knew it.

###

There are only few people who know that I'm really a coward. One of them is my long-term best friend, Scorpio Milo. I'm sure he will die laughing if there is someone says that I'm a very brave person.

I'm a coward. I'm afraid to answer Hyoga's question because I don't want to admit everything to him. Yeah, the answer of his question is everything for me. Hence I decided not to answer it by leaving the house soon in the morning after the blizzard had stopped. Then I ordered Crystal Saint to substitute me teaching those two children.

See? I am a coward—until now, because I keep not telling Hyoga the true reason why I couldn't reach the absolute zero.

But now I've died. My corpse is freezing down there, in my temple, with unconscious Hyoga who has mastered the absolute zero. I'm proud of him; he has surpassed me and become the true ice saint.

I never met him and Isaac again since the time when I left them until today. During the periods I avoided him, I spent my time to learn furthermore about the absolute zero, yet I still could not master it. The rest of my time was used to think about whether I have to answer Hyoga's question or not.

Actually, the answer is very simple.

The reason why I couldn't reach the absolute zero is because I don't want to reach it.

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There were some periods—years—when I hated ice so much. It happened when I was still a very young kid. I was taken—that's a euphemism for 'kidnapped'—from France, my beloved country where the sun shines bright and warm. Then I was brought to an ice land, Siberia, where the sun is nowhere. All I found were just ice, ice, and ice.

I hated ice. I missed the sun. Everyday I cried like a lunatic. I hit the ice continuously at my training zone until my fist bleeding. I screamed myself hoarse. I completely became an ice-hater.

It took a very long time until I could control myself. Slowly, I began forgetting about the sun. About the warmth, about France. My dedication to my duty grew up gradually. At that time, my goal was one: being a great Gold Saint of Aquarius.

But it seemed that the ice turned to oppose me.

Repeatedly I tried to master the absolute zero. I couldn't. I always failed to reach it.

Initially, I thought that the ice was taking its revenge to me. Later, on my thinking years because of Hyoga's question, I realized that I just blamed the ice. The true condition was I didn't want to reach the absolute zero.

Yes, it's true.

Deep inside my frozen heart, I always hope to keep some warmth inside me—though I didn't realize it before. I always think that I've been totally frozen, inside and outside. But the fact is I don't want to abandon my humanity side and become 100% cold. I refuse to be defeated by coldness, by ice. Because ice will freeze everything, included my precious memories which are filling my mind now.

France, bright sun, my friends, a woman whom I have a crush on, and of course, Hyoga and Isaac. They all are my precious memories which I don't want to lose.

So I don't regret myself who cannot master the absolute zero until my death, as long as I can keep the warmth by remembering those memories.

Well, Hyoga, that's the answer of your childhood question. You may have forgotten it. No problem. I just want to say this before my soul is completely gone…

**The End**

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A/N: Thanks for reading, and thanks more for reviewing.


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